Every 6 months I go through the heart momma ritual: I brew a cuppa (today it was tea) and dial the cardiologist’s office to schedule our follow up. And today, that phone call topped my to do list. We have every reason to believe that it will be a routine visit, lots of images, and then a lovely chat with Dr. Young. But…no heart mother (or father) ever stops worrying or ever stops bracing herself for that other kind of appointment. In November 2014, we had that other kind of appointment. We expected it, anticipated it, and were still gobsmacked by it. Still angry at the injustice of our kid having to go through this kind of heartache, literally.
Today’s flashback will take you to February 9, 2015 the day before her scheduled surgery.
It includes a tribute to the children who made it clear that their hearts would hold Charlotte’s while she underwent surgery and recovered. I am grateful to them and their teacher every day. (Fair warning: I cried AGAIN when I watched the video.
February 10, 2015: Pre-Op The lead up to the pre-op appointment started in the most wonderful way. Charlotte’s classmates threw her a surprise party. While she was, I think, most thrilled with the gifts (especially an Equestria and Monster High Dolls), we were touched by the fact that the party was the idea of two of Charlotte’s classmates and the joy of the rest of them. The children put their hearts and souls into letting Charlotte know that they would miss her, that they will be thinking about her, and that she has an incredible network of support.
We spent the weekend playing with friends and generally not thinking about what was on deck for this week.
We also began a mindfulness practice late last week to practice breathing through fears, especially fears of needles.
This morning my friend Jeanne came to work with Charlotte, using an energy technique called EFT Tapping. Charlotte did as good a job as she could working with Jeanne, though she did lose focus once she realized that there were still crepes in the refrigerator. She did seem relaxed and ready for anything when we left the house.
Now, Jeanne and I realized that one tapping session and a few meditation sessions might not help her enough. But, Charlotte was willing and it was worth a try.
I wish I could say it worked miraculously. Sadly, no. Charlotte began to fall apart when it was time to change in to a hospital gown for the lung x-ray. The little tigers seemed babyish to her. Then the x-ray technician called her “sweetie” and told her she couldn’t hold Bubba during the x-ray. Charlotte’s dark side started seeping out. She was muttering, crying, on the verge of a meltdown. I snuck Bubba under her thumb and we got out of there as unscathed as possible.
She calmed down and seemed to set her mind to getting through the blood draw. Until we entered the room. I’ll spare you the details, you can get the general idea from the last time we did this. Truthfully, I’m sparing me the details. I don’t have the heart to write about this again. Bottom line–this time was a bit worse. We were better prepared; instead of a phlebotomist, we had a member of the IV team to do the draw. We called Child Life to distract. And still, Charlotte just couldn’t concentrate on hertools.We tried breathing. She didn’t want to tap, so I tried another technique Jeanne taught me, squeezing Charlotte’s finger tips while quietly talking to her. Eventually she said, “Mom, stop squeezing my fingers.” Sigh.
Eventually (maybe 40 minutes later?) the IV team member had to go to the ICU so she called cardiology and we went down to see the APN (advanced practice nurse) for our pre-op conversation. The nurse and Dr. Backer spoke while we went down and they decidedthat they could get the blood once Charlotte is under anesthesia tomorrow. It’s not ideal–it will add time to the procedure and the time that Charlotte is under anesthesia, but since they couldn’t sedate her today, it was the best we could do.
Maria, the APN, explained the procedure and risks and we asked a few questions. Then it was time to get lunch and head to Art for the Heart.
We got Charlotte to bed around 9:30 after a bath, watching Mirror Mirror and swabbing her whole body with special antibacterial wipes.
We are expected at the hospital at 6 a.m. tomorrow. We’ll keep you posted periodically. If we don’t answer your texts or phone calls quickly, please don’t take it personally.