Tube is Back In

Weight check: 11 lbs. 13 oz.
If you’re not memorizing her weights, that’s only 3 oz. up since she was weighed on 10/14. Perhaps worse, it is exactly the same as Tuesday’s weight check (which I forgot to post).

What it means: Charlotte has been averaging only 0.25 ounce gain per day. Babies her age should be gaining 0.5 ounce/day.

What it really means: The tube goes back in. We now go back to being obsessed about the exact amount of nutrition Charlotte is taking in every day. We return to feeding sessions that can take as long as 1.5 hours, biting into to crucial developmental play time. We return to being consumed by her consumption, as it were. It’s a pretty terrible way to live. Worse, her beautiful cheeks will now be ravaged by the tape again.

I am, perhaps needless to say, devastated.

If you’re asking yourself “what can I do to help?”, I thank you for the sentiment.

What you can do is please don’t call or email to discuss, comment, or lament this right now. I just can’t. And, please refrain from any advice on enticing Charlotte with particular solid foods or waiting until she’s super hungry. And this is the part Philippe says I shouldn’t say, that I won’t be able to say it politely–if you think you’re the exception to the “please no phone calls or emails about this,” there are no exceptions. I really just can’t. Please understand. I’m sorry if this seems rude or ungrateful I don’t mean it that way.

You see, it’s just not about hunger. It’s not about whether she’ll eat. She’s generally a good eater. It seems to be about the amount of energy it takes her to eat. On Tuesday and Wednesday this week she ate more than she had ever eaten in one day. It made no sense that she hadn’t gained–so it has to be about energy in-energy out. Her cardiology consult is November 2. So, we wait and see.

We’re increasing her calories pre day and we’ll go to the pediatrician for a weight check on 11/1. Then we have our monthly cardiology follow up on 11/2, the first since the catheter procedure. We should know more by the end of the week.

Enjoy the latest pictures–the last tubeless ones for a while.

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